Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
