Who wears a wallet chain?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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