you would pick up someone in the library
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
