Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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