All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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