Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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