i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
