Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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