I wish I only lived at night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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