Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
