He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
