I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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