why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
