If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
