how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
