His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i believe in u and ur pee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
