my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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