hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
