Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this will be a night to untag.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I party with great urgency now.
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