I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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