I didn't shave. On purpose
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
