Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
