just come out here and I will go home with you...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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