all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
