Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
