I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
