I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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