i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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