I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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