just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
