It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
