yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
