3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
