You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
