drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
