An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
