remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
