I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
