but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
