My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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