i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
