Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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