Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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