I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
