OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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