It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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