He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
