i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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