I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
