what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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