In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
