They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
