Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
