I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
