My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
