woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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