I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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