eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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