bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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