I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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