I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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