xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
