dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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