spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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