i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
