Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
