It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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