Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
