Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize