I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
