He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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