you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize