Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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