please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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