You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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