Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
