it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
