I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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