My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
whose parrot is this?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
