I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
