He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
