why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
