he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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