Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize