so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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