but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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