note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
