first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize