I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
