I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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