real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
