this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
