he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
