Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
