i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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