there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
